Wonderland

Last night I had a very bizarre dream. It was one of those dreams you try to escape from during the night but even if you keep waking up your mind sends you back as soon as you go back to sleep.

In the dream I was at home, but when I wanted to enter into my bedroom, I found the door closed. When I opened it I stepped into a different room, somewhere else, in this room there were different people I have never seen before.  Most of them looked very worried, like searching for the way out.

Some languages I was able to understand, other I have never heard before, but all of them were desperate trying to find the way out.

Me too, I tried to go back to my room but as soon as I opened the door I found myself in a different room with lots of people trying to find probably their own room.  We didn´t talk to each other but I could see we all had the same puzzled look in our eyes.

This seemed to keep repeating the whole night, I woke up, drank some water, went back to sleep and I was in a different room with different people trying to find a different place. I woke up like three or four times during the night and the same dream repeated all the time, but with different rooms and people.

I began feeling frustrated in my dream and wanting to find my room and leave that endless journey with different rooms and equally frustrated people around me but I just couldn´t. I felt as Alice in Wonderland.

In my dream I realised that every time I wanted to open a door and find my own room on the other side, all I found was a strange room with strange people in it. So I don´t know how I realised, thought or deduced that the problem was my “fixed mind”. That is, I was so angry to keep going through a crazy journey entering endless rooms to find many angry people opening different doors all the time, that the real cause of that was my fixed obsession to reach my own room.  I “felt” that if I released my need to reach my own bedroom I would do so.

So I remember that before I opened the next door I said in loud voice that I would accept any place this new door would lead me to without complaining about it.

In my dream I felt some kind of nervousness and then opened the door to find myself in a beautiful garden.  It was not my room, but at least this was a quiet beautiful garden without anxious people and doors.

I sat on a bench in that garden and decided to enjoy it, the nice Sunshine and the beautiful flowers. In that moment I woke up once more.

Of course I woke up in my own bedroom but somehow I felt that was a clear message for me. Many times I get anxious because things don’t go the way I wanted them to go or because they go too slow or toward a different direction.

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