I remember that little train I received as a gift when I was little. It was beautiful and used one of those fat old batteries to feed the engine and a little light it had on the front.
It had these mechanisms attached in the front and in the back sides, it was like little buttons than when pressed changed the direction of the engine, so when the train found an obstacle on its way that pressed this button, the train changed direction and began to go backwards. Same when the train found the end of the track, the back button| was pressed by the obstacle and changed the direction forwards.
It might not sound very impressive when compared to today’s standards in toys technology, but considering that this was a long time ago, to me it was really marvellous then.
After a while, instead of waiting for the train to reach the end of the track and crash against it so it began to go forward, I began to “help it” by using my finger to make it change direction faster.
Then I expanded the track and added a bridge and other details to make the “ride” more fun. I loved it.
Sometimes I feel like that train.
I begin to go forward with no “obstacles” on the way and suddenly an unexpected situation appears and “shifts” my direction making me to go back, sometimes for quite a long time, until “something” stopped me and helped me to change my direction to continue my journey forwards.
Nowadays, after expanding my track with many new options, bridges, tunnels, new landscapes and sceneries. I am working on my inner mechanism in order to avoid going too far backwards. That way I can stop, observe, learn and continue my journey advancing continuously.
Of course that is not as simple as it sounds, I need to learn and plan significantly, since my subconscious mind plays lots of games with my conscious mind, making her believe that some obstacles are real, thus activating the “break system” unnecessarily. But now my brain is getting used to respond in a faster way so she can continue its way faster than before.
Stopping my journey to contemplate the scenery, recharging batteries and considering changing tracks are valid options I have learnt to allow myself to take.
And after travelling a long way in this life train, I have learnt that when entering a tunnel, no matter how dark and long it looks, I continue non stop until I see the light at its end, announcing a new track ahead. There are no infinite tunnels, and there are no tracks without a tunnel, but as long as you keep going, the track will always keep “appearing” right in front of you.