She was a sweet and lovely girl. She grew up in a traditional family and her childhood was a happy one.
As she grew up people and events turn her down and she became resentful and “tougher”. She began talking like her male friends and changed her stylish wardrobe for a more masculine looking. Even her movements and vocabulary became more aggressive and rough.
Finally one day I dared to ask her why she decided to make those changes in her personality, since she was such a nice young lady and now she was rougher than some gang members I know.
She told me she had to play a different role. She was alone with her two children in a world made for men by men and where women had no safe place to be. So she decided she wouldn´t let anybody walk upon her, she would be the one stepping on other people´s heads.
I told her that I understood her reasons, but that she was losing her true self and that would be more painful and difficult to recover in the future.
I introduced her to a friend who has been on her own most of her life as well. She has got two children who are now successful grownups and who are really proud of her and following her steps. She helped my friend to return to her “real” self, not the one she had become in order to just “survive” and I am happy to say that now she is feeling much happier and more accomplished.
I understand that sometimes you need to hide or adapt your “real you” in order to feel safer, to fit in the society you are living in but, when you allow the world steal from you your true essence, then things will be much more complicated for you than you can imagine.
Some other time I´ll ask my friend what this “empowerment” technique is about to share it with you, but now she is “back to normal” and is accomplishing more things in her life and with her family, than when she had to put on a mask to hide what now, she is so proud to show off: her true nature.
This is a lesson we all should keep in mind constantly.
You don´t need to talk like the rest, behave like all your friends or change your tastes, personality and way of thinking and dressing just to be “accepted” by the others. If you feel the need to do so, then you are hanging out with the wrong group.
I have seen many times people trying to “speak” using a tone or vocabulary different to their own and they sound so “fake”, they look so ridiculous, their “crowd” notice that and that is why they had to face “rejection” in the end.
Of course you can always return to be your true self, but it is like taking the longest route to reach your destiny. You really don´t need to keep losing your nature. Besides the more authentic you are, the more loved you will be, people are not stupid, they will notice when you are pretending to be who you are not. So please feel proud of who you are, because there is no one in this whole Universe like you. You are unique and that uniqueness is what will make the difference in your life and in the life of those fortunate people you touch with your true self.
Do not allow the world to make you bitter, do not allow people or events to make you cold or indifferent, you will always have to face with unpleasant situations and people, but please be yourself. That is the only way you will learn from each experience and take the best of it. Trying to be who you are not, is the fastest way towards failure and suffering.
Pain will always appear along your path, happiness will always appear along your path, they are part of life as many other things as well. Be yourself and you will recover faster from difficult things without the burden to keep that fake mask at all times.
Cry if you must, get mad if you must, but do not sacrifice your true nature because if you lose it, recovering it is harder than you think.
Chapter from my book: Awakening III