Is that you?

She was a sweet and lovely girl.  She grew up in a traditional family and her childhood was a happy one.

As she grew up people and events turn her down and she became resentful and “tougher”. She began talking like her male friends and changed her stylish wardrobe for a more masculine looking. Even her movements and vocabulary became more aggressive and rough.

Finally one day I dared to ask her why she decided to make those changes in her personality, since she was such a nice young lady and now she was rougher than some gang members I know. Continue reading

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Unconformity (More notes to self)

 

I have been complaining with my inner self lately very often.

I have spotted myself complaining too much in the last days, and I have discovered that is bringing me very negative results.

I do not know if I am plummeting into the last trend sport: whining, or I am about to change direction in my life and that is why I have been so rebellious lately.

I think overthinking is doing its job here, after all, it is easier to complain about a situation than doing something to correct it.

After all I can justify myself by saying that everywhere you go, you will find someone groaning about something.

“I hate my job”, “I am underpaid”, “I am a failure”, “I cannot do anything right”, “Nobody loves me”, “Nobody cares about me”, etc. Continue reading

Leaving them behind

 

I remember one day, when I was a little child, that I was afraid of losing my toys, I felt very troubled with that thought.  My mother asked me why I was so upset, and I told her I was afraid of growing up, because I loved playing with my toys and I had never saw an adult playing with toys. (I was so wrong then).

My mother smiled and told me that I would not need my toys as a grown up, and that Life always gives you something in return.

I could not understand that at that time, but I felt a little reassured to hear that.

Some years later when I was in my early adolescence, I felt the same “fear of loss” when a very close friend of mine moved abroad.

I thought the end of the world had arrived for me, and that nothing would be the same anymore, I would never meet anyone like him and nobody else would share my hobbies, tastes and adventures again. Continue reading

At your own pace

 

Have you ever fell down or felt sad or depressed after a difficult event and a close friend or family member slaps your back and asked to cheer up or just said: “Come on, get over it, just be happy”?

Then they recommended you a good book or a “guided meditation” so you could “get out of the hole” faster?

Of course you are trying to understand what happened, you are trying to heal your wounds and of course you wish you could go above to situation and feel good once more, but you have your own rhythm to do it, right?

I am not saying they are bad, insensitive, cold people, they surely love you and want you to be alright and on your feet once more very soon.  They do not understand your inner needs and situation, so it is important for you to learn and defend your right to heal at your own speed. Continue reading

Satisfaction guaranteed

 

For many years I believed in the standard model of happiness, you know, what everybody tells you that you need to have, wear and live to be a real happy person.

Of course, I was never able to reach those standards, therefore I believed I was not a good person.

If I was not able to accomplish all those requirements, then I should be a loser. After all I was able to see many achievers around me. And if I was the only one who was living in mediocrity then something should be wrong with me.

Those where very difficult years for me.

I couldn’t understand quite well, how was it possible that many of my friends and acquaintances were leaving a perfect life, while I was really struggling to keep my pieces together. Continue reading

Already here (Rambling).

 

Caution: heavy rambling ahead….

 

And suddenly I looked again, and there it was.  I had got what I wanted for so long, but instead of being grateful for having it now, my mind was already wishing for something else.

And the worst part is that I was not even enjoying the new, I was beginning to feel the lack of what I did not yet have. What kind of craziness was this?

I could look around me right now and see numerous things I had longed for.

After a closer look, I realised that now I have many things I had wished for years, and going back in time, most of them I never thought I could have.

And I am not talking only about material things, there are people, situations, events etc., that looked so “impossible” to have back then, and now they are a reality, they have become a regular and normal part of my existence. Continue reading

Shake it off

 

There is nothing more difficult than trying to talk with someone who is angry. You ask them to listen to what you have to say, but their anger do not let them listen, really listen, they actually are not really interested in what you have to say, all they want to do is to take that awful feeling out of their system.

Even if they let you speak for a few seconds, they will immediately start talking back to you, they won’t listen to your reasons because they won’t keep that anger inside and need to get it out of them. Even if you are right they cannot see it.

There is no point to talk with someone who is blinded by their bad temper and, who in the same way as an ill person does, is looking at the world through their toxins.

But guess what? Sometimes you are that blind mad person. Continue reading

Uneasy

I woke up feeling uneasy. I couldn´t understand why I was feeling that way, because there was no apparent reason for that mood.

At the beginning I thought I was feeling like that because of a bad dream I could not remember. But as the morning advanced, I understood that feeling was the result of a long chain of events that had finally collapsed upon my shoulders, causing this gloomy mood on me.

While trying to find the cause of this awful feeling, I realised that I was digging into all the negative events that appeared in my life in a while. As I was trying to find in each one of them the “real culprit” for my actual temper, my soul felt more and more depressed.

But the worst part was, that with every event I recalled, I felt more and more dejected. This was not helping me at all. Continue reading

Find them now!

Some days are difficult to forget. If you had a day full of wonderful times, that day becomes a memory of a lifetime. If you had a day full of problems and bitter moments, that day will too become a memory of a lifetime.

Happily, those days are very rare.  Usually our days are a mix of good and bad incidents.

The only difference is that most people are used to focus on those events that make them feel bad. We keep them in a special compartment in our mind and it seems we feel a strange “pleasure” by bringing them back to memory frequently in reunions that end up being “adversity competitions” where the one who has suffered the most wins.

I know playing the victim help some people to bring more attention upon them, and yes, who does not enjoy the “15 minutes of fame” from time to time. Continue reading

Tired

 

I have tried to sleep more hours to see if my weariness would fade away. But I kept feeling tired, with no energy whatsoever.  When your inner self is tired, all the physical rest and sleeping will not make a difference.

There are days when you wake up and life hurts, therefore you resent it and will reflect it in your physical body.  And of course it will take you longer to stand on your feet, but any way you have to do it.

You see, it is easier for our brain to recall bad memories.  We usually remember more the bad events than the good ones, so we keep them in the first row of our conscious mind and that could be one of the main reasons why we keep repeating our mistakes and manifesting our worst fears faster. Continue reading