Repeating

Why was I so afraid to ride a bicycle that day? I had enjoyed riding my bike as a child and despite the fact that many years had passed, the memory of those joyful days riding through the parks were still fresh in my mind.

So how come I suddenly felt so scared to ride a bicycle?

After all, my uncle Richard just wanted me to see the beautiful sights of east England! What could be wrong with that?

Just the view of that bicycle made me shiver. I felt a huge fear in my solar plexus and that kept me from accepting my uncle’s invitation.

It took me a while to detect where that fear came from.

I thought all my memories related to bicycles were good, but after a detailed scrutiny of my deepest memories, I was able to reminisce the last time I rode a bike as a child. Yes, a long long time ago.

I could remember I lost control of the bike and I felt down hurting myself badly, due to the accident my bicycle got damaged and I couldn’t ride it anymore.  After that I move to a new house and changed bicycles for roller skates. So that was the end of my cycling career.

But some way, my brain saved that feeling of pain and fear of the accident and filed it in a section of my mind that was not consulted very often, so my conscious mind did not have it very present. Therefore, it was apparently forgotten.

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Back from the past

That street looked not as wide as usual, not as long as the picture in my mind. I grew up in that street but now it looked smaller somehow. Did the houses in that street shrink maybe under the pressure of time and space?

I haven´t been there maybe in 30 years or so. The trees were of course taller than when I lived there but some way they didn’t look that taller than in my memories.

But the houses were now shorter, the whole street not as wide and the people were all different. Continue reading

I want to live in this moment (Mental note)

I thought that living in this “reality” was simple and easy to do, but the more I talk to other people the more I realise that it is one of the most difficult things to do nowadays.

When I was a child and I was able to play without the help of any electronic device, I was more in “touch” with my reality since I used what I had in hand to build my toys. A piece of wood could be a ship, a bus, a bed, a seat or anything my mind could imagine. Same for an old box, a blanket, etc.

I used any object in my physical world to “create” a wonderful world in my mind. My mind was creating a world of fantasy for me to live in, but at the same time I was more in “touch” with the reality around me. The moment my mother called me to dinner, I was immediately “present” in my local reality. Continue reading