Repeating

Why was I so afraid to ride a bicycle that day? I had enjoyed riding my bike as a child and despite the fact that many years had passed, the memory of those joyful days riding through the parks were still fresh in my mind.

So how come I suddenly felt so scared to ride a bicycle?

After all, my uncle Richard just wanted me to see the beautiful sights of east England! What could be wrong with that?

Just the view of that bicycle made me shiver. I felt a huge fear in my solar plexus and that kept me from accepting my uncle’s invitation.

It took me a while to detect where that fear came from.

I thought all my memories related to bicycles were good, but after a detailed scrutiny of my deepest memories, I was able to reminisce the last time I rode a bike as a child. Yes, a long long time ago.

I could remember I lost control of the bike and I felt down hurting myself badly, due to the accident my bicycle got damaged and I couldn’t ride it anymore.  After that I move to a new house and changed bicycles for roller skates. So that was the end of my cycling career.

But some way, my brain saved that feeling of pain and fear of the accident and filed it in a section of my mind that was not consulted very often, so my conscious mind did not have it very present. Therefore, it was apparently forgotten.

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A little experience…

He was screaming and throwing things around him in the middle for the pavement. People avoid the site where he was standing and preferred to cross the street so they hadn´t to pass near him.

I saw him from a distance, I could see he was very angry and he was yelling things I couldn’t understand.  As I approached the place he was standing at, a lady was running away from him while he shouted: “I don´t know why I am doing this to myself, if I know I am hurting myself” and then kicked a plastic bucket near him.

Instead of crossing the street to the other side in order to avoid this man, I kept walking normally. I have no idea why, since he was very aggressive and throwing everything he could find. Continue reading